Top 10 Nitwits Identified

10. The Port of Portland, whose airport expansion program included a parking garage that remains half-closed, new concourses that remain half-empty, and a new glass canopy that experts say is now a major safety hazard.  Coming up: deepening the Columbia River.

9. Bill Maher, who thought it would be funny, in September 2001, to call terrorism brave and the U.S. military cowardly.

8. The U.S. Congress, whose imaginative solution to every crisis is to throw money at big corporations.

6 (tie). Bob Whitsitt and Paul Allen, who have taken the Portland Trail Blazers basketball team from a sometimes-contender that was always loved by the Portland fans to a whining mediocrity that's largely despised or ignored.

5. Portland Mayor Vera Katz, whose recent endeavors with scarce tax dollars include a Convention Center expansion that the voters turned down; north side light rail, which the voters also turned down; a new trolley to the Pearl District, just in case her real estate buddies there haven't made enough money yet; and an Eastbank Esplanade, utterly devoid of any security, which the skateboarders have already damaged to the tune of $250,000; this while closing the police precincts at night and on weekends(!!!) and allowing the county to dismantle what was left of a mental health crisis system.  Love those new million-dollar parking meters, too.  If it weren't for her breast cancer work and her quick jump on the "Love New York" bandwagon, she'd rank higher.  Prior years' achievements: her ideas to put toll booths on Willamette River crossings; and to cover up the freeway for more developable real estate to line the pockets of, guess who?  Coming up: an aerial tram over an angry Portland neighborhood to clear the way for more development by, guess who?  Too bad the only other person who wanted this job was a high school kid.

4. John Ashcroft, who had nothing better to do in November 2001 than attack Oregon's assisted suicide law.

3. Portland City Attorney Jeff Rogers, who decided that November 2001 was the perfect time for the Portland police to start bending over backward to discover and expand the civil rights of foreign visitors.

2. Ken Lay, the honorable, brilliant leader of Enron Corporation, and his crew of decent, knowledgeable executives.

1. Mohammed Atta, who so effectively advanced the cause of Islamic fundamentalism.