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Aya Katayanagi and Anonymous |
A greeting from Aya and Sharon! (81K)
Italian Mamma & Japanese Okasan: So Far
Away Yet So Similar
Aya Katayanagi and Anonymous
ISALC, Lewis and Clark College
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Aya Katayanagi and Anonymous |
Italian Mamma & Japanese Okasan: So Far
Away Yet So Similar
Aya Katayanagi and Anonymous
Have you ever thought that two people who live thousands of miles apart could be, deep down, very similar? The answer would be yes if you were thinking about two mothers. In fact, if someone would ask you what an Italian and a Japanese mother have in common, the first reaction would be to answer nothing. Italy and Japan have almost nothing in common. Religion, politics, and habits are completely different. Moreover, only rarely have those two nations had the opportunity to share their culture or historical experiences. However, even though geographic and cultural distances make people different from each other, there are incredible similarities when it comes to talking about feelings. From this perspective, it would be interesting to notice that motherhood is very similar in these cultures; and although differences are possible, similarities characterize and dominate this important concept: motherhood.
In the Italian culture, the family is a crucial and fundamental element of society. Its importance probably goes beyond other Western cultures today. The family is always a source of protection and support for the individual, and Italians usually live in their family until much later than, for example, Japanese. In this structure, the mother is the center of the family; everything revolves around her. This is probably true for most Mediterranean cultures, in which, even though the father is perhaps the ultimate decision-maker, the mother has her very own sphere of dominance. In Japan, on the other hand, even if nowadays the mother's role tends to be upgraded in importance, in typical families, usually it is the father who makes every decision and rarely the mother dares to express her contrary opinion.
Unlike in Japan, I think that a peculiarity of Italian mothers is perhaps being the providers of care and emotional support, rather than the examples of pragmatism and drive. I am convinced of this because even though Italian mothers, just like Japanese, would like their children to become successful in life, and have greater achievements than their parents, they rarely exhort them towards this goal. Even though they wish the best for their children, they certainly don't create high expectations around their sons and daughters. On the contrary, in Italy, this would probably be considered an unbearable pressure that does not fit the idea of well being. In Japan, instead, we have the opposite problem. For a mother it is natural to wish a bright future for her children. In modern Japan, one's successful life in society is determined by a secure occupation with a well-respected company. The predominant target in order to get a good job is to graduate from prestigious universities with a long and distinguished academic history. However, since so many people try to get into the best universities, these schools receive many more applications than they can accept. This situation leads to a competition to pass the entrance examination, and, in order to succeed, children go to preparatory schools. Mothers usually have great expectations for their children; therefore, they want them to study to win this entrance examination war. These mothers' expectations turn out to be a pressure for children; in fact, Japanese mothers tend to make them study too hard.
As you can notice there are surely some differences between Italian and Japanese mothers, however you will find out that the similarities are even stronger. It is clear at this point that the highest level of well-being that an Italian mother could conceive of is the emotional one. Therefore, these mothers are often overprotective of their children, trying to shield them from the scary outside world for as long as they can. That kind of behavior is applicable not only for emotional occasions, but also for practical problems of everyday life. That is why the "mamma" (mum) stereotype is often associated with the world view of Italians. Much like Italian mothers, mothers in Japan seem to be very possessive about their children. Parents nourish their children, and mothers seem more prominently overprotective than fathers are, in general. If a child falls down, her mother will dash to the child, hold her up, caressing her and will say, "See, I told you to be careful, didn't I?" And if you ask a Japanese mother a question like, "Can you die for your husband?" then she would reply, " No, but for my children yes." Children are treasures for mothers both in Italy and in Japan, and any other nations all over the world. Mothers would do everything for children if it all possible. Japanese mothers often say, "No matter how old my child is, she's still my baby."
Moreover, it is also true that moms have a central role in children's education. It is not uncommon that a mother in Italy will help her child with homework in the afternoon. This is sometimes made necessary because of the shortcomings of the Italian educational system, and also it is possible because Italian society allows most women not to have to work. In fact, most mothers have much time to dedicate and spend with their kids because they do not work. Moreover, daycare centers are not very popular and in the worst cases they are not considered reliable at all.
In a society where the central focus is on the family, and not the individual, it is up to mothers to educate their children about social matters like respect and politeness. However, this social teaching processes is not very severe or strict; Italian society in general is not so much about discipline. Even in Japan parents teach or show politeness and respect (which is the most crucial and national Japanese characteristic) to their children. Children are taught table manners such as how to use chopsticks in the right way, which reveals one's upbringing in society. One of the Japanese sayings is,"Mitsugo no tamashii hyaku mademo," which means that the element of one's personality will be structured by the age of three, reflecting this Japanese attitude of education. But on the other hand, this mealtime training tradition is fading out because of hard working, absent fathers in these days.
Moreover, it is undeniable that Italians are a little bit "mammoni" (a peculiar expression which symbolizes our attachment to the mother figure) and that is particularly evident in the role that food plays in family life. However, this is just the more evident aspect of a principle of physical well-being that has to do with eating healthy. Italian mothers would never let their kids eat junk food! In Japan too, mothers care about both the family's nourishment and table manners. Mothers pay attention to what kind of food they serve; they keep the house clean to make better atmosphere for every family member. Moreover, the dinner table is always the best place to have contact with each other and develop the relationship of the family.
Although the way to treat the children is slightly different in Italy and Japan, the fundamental feature of "mother" is the foundation of children's lives in both countries. Normally, children spend about half of their lives at home, examining their own lives protected by their mothers' warm back. It is amazing how a mother can be strong, tender or tough for the sake of their children. Birth is the best gift from God to mothers all over the world. No matter what nationality we have, mothers are mothers. Mother's comfort, softness, trust and deepest love that she lavishes upon her child are never going to change. Mother is enduring and everlasting.
